It’s congenital heart defect awareness week. So I’m taking a deep breath and showing the scar that symbolizes so much of my journey. At a pivotal time in any young girl’s life (I was 14), mine was compounded with uncertainty, trauma, loss of autonomy, loss of control and most vital - my voice. Top that off with being raised in a patriarchal home and purity culture...emotional turmoil followed. My relationships and family dynamics shifted drastically and for the next decade after my open heart surgery, my body and health declined; constantly sick, developed severe allergies, constant migraines, chronic fatigue, and depression. I hid the emotional trauma from the world the best I could but my body told the story. The very heart that surgeons physically fixed, left that operating room more broken than when it had gone in. β β
In the last few years I’ve learned how to heal not only my body but my mind & soul as well. It has been painfully slow at times but it was necessary to process all the emotions and pain I was never allowed express.
Feel -> Acknowledge -> Forgive -> Release
Thank you body for shouldering the weight of the trauma my mind could not process yet. Thank you body for helping me heal. β β
I’ve wandered through most of my life wondering what my purpose is, struggling to define it within the confines of a mold I thought I was supposed to fit in. β β
I now know the peace that comes when you let go. When the mold breaks and the limitations are set free. My purpose is to heal the wounds of the past, of the generations before me, lead my children boldly into the future and to help others do the same. β β
This scar on my chest no longer serves as a reminder of a fearful, powerless, confused, depressed, body shamed young girl. It is a symbol of love and the journey of a powerful woman. β β β β .
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